It has been 2 and half years since we moved to Idaho. I have loved it, hated it, wished for return to 'home' of Redlands, and yet here I am. Today is a day that is hard for me. November is my favorite month and yet, it is also the hardest month for me. I have super highs and really low lows. I love the thanksgiving holiday and I love the family times that we share, but I also deal with emotional junk this month. I hit the wall often and I stand on the cliff of depression often. I usually can see it coming and that is part of the fun, right?
God then says what are you going to choose? Are you going to go down to the pit of despair or up to the mount of joy? I deal with emotional junk that says jump on down, the sewer of sin and self pity is great. Reality hits and I know that is not the path I want to go down. I did that for 20 plus years of my life and it only brought more sin, self loathing, hate and hurt. I don't want to do that ever again!
Then the other choice is to look up…to look for strength from the Lord, to die to the self pity party that feel so good in the moment, but really does more harm than good.
Back in September I went to a woman's retreat and it was said that self-pity and pity parties are just as much of an addiction as alcohol or drugs. The brain has made connections that when emotional junk happens the path previously made just takes over. In my case, self-pity and self loathing. As a believer I must take that thought, feeling, emotional response handhold it to the standard that Christ has given me. I can't tell Paul to do it for me, nor can I blame anyone for this reaction. I have made the path firm and fully rudded.
As November starts and the emotions are starting to flood in, I have to remind myself that the old me has pasted away and the new me is in Christ. That means the old emotional paths need to be changed. How do I do this? That is the ever question I ask myself. As I see the junk happening around me and the pressure in my mind to do what I have always done looks so tempting I want to flee and jump into Jesus' arms and hear Him tell me to read my favorite scriptures and part often to get my mind back to where is belongs.
FULLY LOOKING TO HIM FOR ALL MY EMOTIONAL RESPONSES!!!!
